i am obsessed with adoption right now. i get like this every now and then. anyone who will listen, i will talk to them about it. we had an amazing experience with quincy's adoption last year. yes, there were a few bumps in the road along the way, but really it was quick and fairly easy. i was reading an adoption blog the other morning and was reminded of the cruel side of adoption that is often shown to families wanting a baby. i read a story of a couple who had a baby in their home for 35 days and the birth mother took her back. i read another story about a baby who has been in a family for 5 months and now the birth father is trying to get custody. (each state has different laws. we adoptive families are VERY protected under utah laws. lucky us.) anyway, the process can be long and very painful. that is one reality. the other reality of adoption is that is it brings an extreme amount of joy! when a baby is matched by a loving birth mother to a family who will love that baby and teach them and care for them. THAT is the reality that makes it worth the risk and possible disappointment. i have said before how blessed we have been by tamika (quincy's birth mom), that she was able to follow the promptings she had. to know for sure that quincy was supposed to be in our home. we love her and could not ask for a better birth mother for quincy.
the main reason that adoption is on my mind is that i talked to sherrie the other day. sherrie is the lady who owns the adoption agency we got quincy through. she is our down the road neighbor too! anyway, she has merged with another agency in virginia. this agency gets quite a few birth moms and quite a few families. the problem is most of their families are white, and want white babies only. and most of their birth mothers are african american. the agency was having a hard time finding families and homes for these babies.
this is heartbreaking to me. i realize and accept that everyone can choose what they want or what they think is best for their families. BUT if you are adopting and the baby is not genetically made up of you and your husband, newsflash! they aren't going to look like you anyway, right? i get that there is still race issues in america. even though i live in utah county where there are fewer race issues, i know they still exist. but, if i wouldn't adopt a child of another race because i am scared of what others might think of my family, aren't i contributing to those racial issues? i was talking to a friend, deborah schone before we got quince. (they were in our ward, but moved to st. george. we got to see them when they visited at christmas. it was fun to see them AND they are in the process of adopting a baby boy in feb. most likely!) she and her husband have 6 biological kids and one african american adopted 2 year old daughter. she said, "people always ask if i worry that emma would feel like she didn't fit in or if i worry who she would date when she is older...." i loved her response to that and will never forget it. she said, "i have a little boy who has red hair who is struggling right now because he feels different and like he doesn't fit in." we are ALL different.
sometimes, like in the middle of the night, if quincy needs a little cuddle i don't think about her being black. or if i am walking down the mall with her, i don't wonder if people think we look weird. it is normal. she is my daughter, i am her mom. even though it's normal and i'm not thinking about it all the time, i hope that she will be proud of her skin and think it is cool that she is different then me and her dad. i hope she thinks it's beautiful.
i like that it is obvious that quincy is adopted. it gives me the opportunity to talk to alot of people about her and our experience. i get questions like "what country is she from?" and "was she in foster care?" or "what's the birth mom's story, why did she give her away?" and "did you ask for a black baby, or is that just what you got?" i am never offended, i believe that people are just curious about our family. in any response i give, i try to make it clear that we didn't adopt quincy to "save her" from a bad life she would have otherwise had. we didn't adopt her as a humanitarian service project. we didn't adopt her because we think black babies are cuter then white babies. we just adopted a daughter, through sherrie, because that is what we were really inspired to do.
SO, the real reason i have gone off on an unnecessary tangent about adoption is that in my conversation with sherrie the other day, she told me that this agency she has become partners with has TEN birth mothers all due from this month to june and NONE have chosen a family. sherrie needs families! they are all african american. heart to heart (an agency that i think is out of sandy) as of dec. 29th has 6 birth mother's (one is having twins!) all due in the next few months that they haven't been able to match yet. all are african american. i would take them all if i have the money or the sanity! (could you imagine all of the sudden i have 18 children! hahaha. yikes.) if anyone is interested or knows of families who are wanting to adopt, email me! i can't stand the thought of these babies not being adopted by parents who will love and take good care of them.
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